Tide.

Copulation has always been a foreign concept to me.
Not losing my virginity until I was 18 to a girl that hated my guts and yelled at me nonstop for whatever reason.
I didn't even get off.
I was tortured and jerked off for days without ever ejaculating.
But she always had her little orgasms, which she later said were faked to get me away.

SO I BEAT OFF ON HER FACE.
She looked like a squid and I laughed, and laughed.


I have a hard time copulating and seeing the person again; usually due to heartache related anxiety. When you find someone that can look at your dirty naked body covered in tattoos and scars from the world's belt.

You have peace.
You have release.
You are loved again.

Love..

Second girl, I was on the tit of being 21, I was just released from an asylum and saw the world differently. I started vomiting non stop. She blew into my life on a train and left my heart in the elevator in Syracuse. I also pissed in the elevator to cheer myself up.

I'm a dickhead.

I fucked that girl with all my drunken might sometimes up to 4 times a day.
Do drugs, listen to music, smoke cigarettes and fuck.

Sexdrugsrocknroll.

I lived that life for a month, and then I was tossed back into being alone.
I can't keep anyone happy.

I take and take.

I give and give.

My last girlfriend was perfect for the first 9 months, and then she went off and did whatever the fuck people wouldn't tell me about until it was too goddamned late.

I've been cheated on, I've been beat on, I've had bloody noses, and black eyes all in the name of love.

I quit masturbating completely and haven't had an orgasm since August.

I give up on jacking every night before bed, it just doesn't do the same anymore.

Drugs have filled my life with a false light of love being easy, and sweet like candy.

When I met you I had no sense of direction, but to your constant support and nursing, I'm ready for what awaits me.

If it's the barrel of a gun, an overdose, an accident, or an ailment.
I think I'll be alright.

You've given me a reason to try and live.

You will never understand how much you mean to me, or why you mean so much to me.
I can only try.

I'm not easy to love, I'm a fucking wreck.

I don't want to get into something I can't see through until the end.

Baby, it is the end.

I have to see this through.

Would you hold me near to keep me warm?
Will you keep my broken thoughts from destroying me?
Will you sleep on my chest and hold me tight?
Will you accept the fact that I am a human and allow me to shit, puke, and piss and fart in front of you, if not ON YOU?

I have little time to decide the best way out of here, but I know it's not pretty, or easy.

I need your warm soft skin to cover me up at the end of the night when the sun starts to come to life.

Hours of operation are permanently open.

Sing to me, sing to me.

Carry my soul when I fall upon my knees and beg for more time, knowing I'll never get it.

Maybe it's best if I die now, and never cause anyone more pain than I already have.

I don't believe in God, I don't believe in an afterlife.

Just carry my soul wherever you go.

I love you,
With every aching atom.


EJWII

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